Penni Sparks

Get Your Question Answered

There are many challenges in guiding children into adulthood these days. You are not alone in your concerns and your questions are important to us. While Penni isn't able to personally answer each email she receives, she does read them all. She will address main themes and trends in the questions each month by posting responses on the website. Please bookmark our site and return often to be part of this growing community of committed parents and teachers.

Question of the Month

	Sometimes I feel so powerless to confront my own children, especially my willful 4-year-old. What do I do?

	The children today, and many of them are powerful girls, demand that we stand before them as clear guides into the world of what it means to be a noble human being. It is imperative that we know and own our personal values and goals, and that we can stand clearly for them. It's never too late to do that work, on behalf of yourself and your children. It's the clarity in your heart that will impact your children most profoundly. The light from within you will guide them through the "foggy times" with greater illumination than anything else you could say or do.

Commonly Asked Questions

	How can I work effectively with my spouse when we have a difference of opinion about raising the children?

	What a fortunate child to have more than one adult watching over and caring for her! Consider the value of showing the children precisely how well grounded adults are able to live in community, sometimes as leaders, sometimes as followers. What better way for them to learn? We must learn how to pass the baton consciously, from one adult to the other, and to actively, both inwardly and outwardly, model how to gently lead and how to respectfully support the one holding the baton. Oddly enough, more often than not this is a wordless activity.

	I can’t stand always hearing myself say ‘No’ to my child. What can I do?

	Every activity has its rightful place somewhere in nature, a place where you actually can say ‘Yes’ to it. Having a good understanding of the stages of how all children develop will help you know what to look for and find ways of saying ‘Yes.’ For example, "Yes, that loud voice belongs in the backyard with the other barking dogs, but not at the dinner table!"

	I'm tired of 'time-outs' and, besides, they don't work. What else is there?

	Time is an agreed upon convention by adults and most children have little or no relation to it. Your children have shown this to you and child development guidelines will confirm it as well. I prefer to work in the active world of the child. Look for an appropriate action as a natural consequence of an inappropriate action. For example, “We don’t throw dominoes, and this action has lost you the privilege of playing with them for the rest of today," the child hears as the dominoes are swooped away and placed out of sight until tomorrow morning. And please don’t give in before that! Show him you have courage and integrity with your word.

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